11.12.09

hash key

we'd lay there for hours, and december would roll on by.
after months of the dreaded overhaul, the psychoanalysis,
my co worker deems me as "bipolar"
I drift off, yet again, in a strangers bed, living vicariously through someone I've never even met.
How does one afford equipment, space and sound like this?
This month is more like the movies then anything, to me.
I'm sitting back, attempting to relax, letting the dialogue reign.
he sleeps, soundly.
from open concept kitchen walls to wood shafts and the, on site, laundry.
the million dollar mixer.
this place is a prison.

2.12.09

stay still.


Removing the mug from my lips, I think about how delightful it would look to have a stain strewn across the cylinders side.
I write "Purchase Lipstick " in my agenda, knowing I will not buy it otherwise.
Or, at all, really.
Lipstick, has always seemed a hassle to me.  I would never want my mark brightly pasted on the cheek of the man I slept beside the previous night. Nor, would I want it smudged across my incredibly large smile.
Oddly enough, I continue to contemplate the thought of me with cherry lips, on a daily basis.
As if, there is nothing else to think about.
So, I jot it down, while staring out the window at this gloomy December, two a.m, 
the rain patting my decision on the back.


Then, the faintest sound of a fire engine is drown out by incessant screams from howling woman.
Will I be too painted with a coat of red disguising my otherwise pale pout?
I think of these whores, barking at the moon, suffocating the loudest sounds of the city, with their sloppy seconds mouths covered in caked on colour.
I close the window motionlessly, and the rain has stopped encouraging me.
I feel if I am deliberating a product this closely, I've been awake too long.
Shut the screen, close the critics tight.


I could be reading about London in the Sixties or Unknown species of Iguanas.
I could be, somewhere, very, different.

27.11.09

please her if you please.



Oh i see how his life resembles
Yours and you somehow are like him.
I see i know i've been too good for you
You know you know that he is just like me
Pleasing you and now,and now all
You do is wish i was more and more like him
If so would you consider keeping me
Closer if so, i know if i was more and more like him
If so would you consider keeping me closer
I know i know if i was more and more like him if so.



-a cure.

26.11.09

no one belongs here more then you




waiting for the days thoughtless, tactless ideologies to drain 
along with my dead hairs & that which i shave,
starving for an extra minute under water,
to physically rinse the film that outside 
has left upon my skin.
drowning in the street filled with heavy heads, hearts and bad,
bodies that brawl, contend, & speak with discretion
I am only at home, under the shower head
where warmth is a lover and everything just appears 
prettier
for only, about, fifteen minutes.

the razor-blade-way is far too cliche so I towel dry,
usually.

25.11.09

won't cook in this kitchen.



constantly hindered by what I could be, when I could be learning to cook in a kitchen I'd rather pose for photos in.
letting small talk dig into my sides like a stitch when you're not in shape.
I'm cooler then him, I'm bigger then her.
I'm stuck here, behind the jewelry counter, being hit on by security 
selling three-thousand dollar necklaces to rich white woman who comment on the size of my eyes,
the cut of my hair,
jiving until I shut my lids in public's view, to ponder why I'm no longer creating,
writing,
critically thinking, 
I let the noise flood over me, just drowning in the midst of an art piece
cryptic & cynical, these are too crucial traits for a spot in this Gallery,
for a spot in the heart of this man
for a mind like mine.

18.11.09

people are strange.


otherwordly, abnormal, eldritch, unusual, peculiar, odd, puzzling, outlandish, zany, offbeat, unconventional, different, bizarre, anomalous. 
i like you.
stranger than loving the strangest of the strange.