the bbq.

bbq squash & sweet potato, stewed pears, garlic brussels sprout, portobello mushrooms with maple syrup, asparagus basted in curry powder, guacamole, giant buns, salsa sausage, hummus & pita, sprinkle donuts.

I was very hesitant to attend the BBQ.  Even though I have been squatting at this home for almost 2 months now, I hardly knew my way around.  We only lived on two floors of a three-story house, though I never felt well acquainted with the space.  It has always seemed fleeting.  Eventually, I assumed free food and drink was better then trying to scout the city for entertainment I’d have to spend money on.  Out, hoping to come home after everyone had vacated.

So, I stayed instead.

We prepped, him with intense passion, and me, passing my only tasks onto the only friend I had in attendance.  I minced garlic as though I knew how to mince, I boiled and peeled, I stewed my sprouts only to impress the masses.  I always had two left hands in the kitchen. 

I could hardly hold a conversation.  I spent 10 minutes trying to remember the profession that C.S.I centered around.  When I finally figured it out, the conversation was long over and I spoke to the wall about it.  I laughed at everything, most topics did spark my interest, but I couldn’t think of a thing to stay.  I don’t know if I could describe my demeanor as fear, or plain stubbornness.  I drank 60 proof vodka with an elderly Scottish man, as he passed the joint in rotation.  I acted as though I were meant to be in this exact place at this exact moment, even though I didn’t believe I was.  I rambled and giggled and tried to let a man down easily.  I sipped my beer and shivered.

I had mentioned in brief to him “It finally hit me yesterday, that I’m back for good”

He shrugged it off, as per usual. 

We had fought about the BBQ, and after attending I concluded that I agreed with Jonathan.  We all huddled around this grilling meat and stewing vegetable, but by the end of the evening, all I knew were the food.

I could hardly remember the names of the people. I could never be a housewife.